If You Don't Play Pokémon Go (and Don't Want to!), Then You'll Understand ALL of These Things

It's lonely out here for those of us who have never — and likely will never — download and play Pokémon Go. In a matter of a week, the augmented reality game has completely taken over the lives of children and full-grown adults alike.

Pokémon Go is not without its positive attributes. Due to the nature of the game, it's encouraged people to get outside and walk around, it's helped people with anxiety and depression, and, yes, it's prevented actual murder from taking place. Whew.

Despite all of that, I still don't really care to play it. I don't feel the need to decode its rules or muster up the patience to get through regular freezes and crashes. If you're like me, you can probably relate to the upcoming sentiments.

01
People’s descriptions of the game sound like complete gobbledygook.
TLC

People’s descriptions of the game sound like complete gobbledygook.

02
You’re choosing to go out to eat alone because your friends would be playing the whole time anyway.
Paramount Pictures

You’re choosing to go out to eat alone because your friends would be playing the whole time anyway.

03
You keep having to dodge people asking you for a charger.
Fox

You keep having to dodge people asking you for a charger.

04
Walking anywhere with a friend now takes double the time.
Paramount Pictures

Walking anywhere with a friend now takes double the time.

05
You don’t know how to congratulate people on getting more . . . points? Is that how it works?
ABC

You don’t know how to congratulate people on getting more . . . points? Is that how it works?

06
Candy Crush just seems really lame now. (But you’re still totally playing it.)
Bravo

Candy Crush just seems really lame now. (But you’re still totally playing it.)

08
All the character references are slapping you in the face with nostalgia.
Cartoon Network

All the character references are slapping you in the face with nostalgia.

09
Witnessing people get upset about the game crashing is . . . frightening.
YouTube | RihannaVEVO

Witnessing people get upset about the game crashing is . . . frightening.

10
And somehow you end up getting personally attacked?
FX

And somehow you end up getting personally attacked?

11
You can't help but feel like a zombie apocalypse is underway.
AMC

You can't help but feel like a zombie apocalypse is underway.

12
You don’t even want to talk about the fear you have now while in an Uber.
FX

You don’t even want to talk about the fear you have now while in an Uber.

13
Let's be honest — you fear for everyone’s safety.
ABC

Let's be honest — you fear for everyone’s safety.

15
You worry that everyone is just having fun without you.
Comedy Central

You worry that everyone is just having fun without you.

16
But you've decided you're just going to keep on doing you.
Fox

But you've decided you're just going to keep on doing you.