Hello Kitty Isn't Really a Cat, So We Can't Believe Anything Anymore

Note the day. Wednesday, Aug. 27, when everything we knew about life changed. Hello Kitty, it turns out, is not a cute cat but a little girl. What. But she has whiskers. . .

Professor Christine R. Yano, author of Pink Globalization: Hello Kitty's Trek Across the Pacific, uncovered the truth. After sending a script for a Hello Kitty exhibition debut to Sanrio, the company set her straight. According to Yano, Sanrio told her: "Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature."

The Internet is not happy about this, of course — who would be?! If you agree that all your childhood might have been a lie, these are the tweets you need to see now.

Can Sanrio just stop and listen to the wisdom of Josh Groban?!


This had better not filter down to other Sanrio characters.


So a Hello Kitty happy hour . . . that we can't invite Hello Kitty to now that she's a little girl.

My head really hurts over this Hello Kitty shit. I need wine. This is an excuse to get wine. Yeah, that's it.

— Mute Mill (@BrandyJavancy) August 27, 2014


But will Hello Kitty have to pay a fare on her own airplane?

For the record, Hello Kitty would ride in a seat and not under the seat. Got it. What a day.

— Virgin America (@VirginAmerica) August 27, 2014


Wait. This is getting too meta.

Hello kitty is a girl cos playing as a cat ? #inception

— El Cosby Esq... (@TheCosby) August 27, 2014


Again. Can we point out the logical fallacies behind this cat actually being a human?

if hello kitty is not a cat but a third grade girl then she is a third grade girl with whiskers which is frankly terrifying

— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) August 27, 2014


Thank you, Peanuts crew, for letting some things remain sacred.

We can confirm, Snoopy IS a dog.

— PEANUTS (@Snoopy) August 27, 2014